Sure, everyone knows blunt, impolite and even rude people who are extremely successful. (I know a bunch of them.)
But since we’re all more likely to build professional and personal relationships and do business with people we like, we’re naturally drawn to individuals who are polite, modest, agreeable, kind.
In short, we’re drawn to people who are charming. I know a bunch of them too, and here’s how they do it.
1. They willingly show a little vulnerability.
Charming people don’t try to win any unstated competitions with people they meet. In fact, they actively try to lose. They’re complimentary. They’re impressed. They’re even willing to admit a weakness or a failure.
It’s really easy. Say you meet a would-be Donald Trump and he says, “I just closed a fabulous deal to build the world’s best golf course on the most amazing oceanfront property on the planet.”
2. They show they’re genuinely glad to meet you.
They maintain eye contact. They smile when you smile. They frown when you frown. They nod their head when you nod. In simple, nonverbal ways, they mimic your behaviour – not slavishly, but because they’re focused on what you’re saying.
3. They search for agreement instead of contradiction
Charming people don’t actively (or unknowingly) look to disagree; they look for points of agreement. Then, if it’s appropriate, they gently share a different point of view – and in that way, help create an outstanding conversation.
4. They (selectively) use the power of touch
Say you’re congratulating someone; shaking hands or (possibly better yet, depending on the situation) patting them gently on the shoulder or upper arm can help reinforce the sincerity of your words.
5. They often dine out on their foibles
When you genuinely own your foibles, people don’t laugh at you. They laugh with you. And they realise it’s OK to let down their own guards and meet you at a genuine level.
6. They’re masters of social Jiu-Jitsu
Some people have a knack for getting you to talk openly yourself. They ask open-ended questions. They sincerely want to know what you think, and that makes you open up to a surprising degree. You feel like the most interesting man (or woman) in the world.
7. They always pass the “server test.”
(You know how you go out to eat with someone and they’re nice to you… yet dismissive of the server? That’s the server test.)
Charming people treat everyone the same way: as deserving of respect and kindness.
8. They’re great with names
Charming people remember names and even small details, often to a surprising degree.
9. They never name drop
Charming people may know cool people… but don’t talk about it. And that only adds to their charm.
10. They always let you talk more
And that makes you feel important. Because you are.
Source: Jeff Haden, Ghostwriter, Speaker, Inc Magazine Contributing Editor